Get On Target

Please, before you do anything, watch this video.

Isn’t that special? Now I don’t know about you but I have absolutely no idea how I’ve survived all these years without the FMG-9. I know exactly what this guy is talking about. The world is a dangerous place full of people not of my blood. Strangers. Who knows what they could be thinking? I need to be ready for them. I need to get on target.

It’s a shame that this is just a prototype. I know you’re disappointed too. The only thing better than an idiot with a gun is an idiot with a gun that doesn’t look like a gun. That makes everything much safer because no one knows that you have a gun so when them people (not of your blood) get up and in your face you can get on target. I mean, come on, what’s the use of a gun if it just acts as a deterrant for random acts of violence? I mean you’d never get a chance to get on target. Which would be a tragedy.

Get on target is my new word.

I believe that a solid grass roots campaign can get this weapon into production. I’m sure the swiss army knife people would be interested, except they’re not of my blood and foreign to boot so I don’t know if I should trust them (my third little toe is saying not). But it must be made. If you’re not entirely sure you need the FMG-9 why the hell not? The nice man in the video already told you why.

When you’re walking your doberman through your gated, blood-relative-only community at a terrifying 9 am on a saturday morning who knows what you’re going to find in the park. It’s a life and death struggle, my friend, are you prepared?

Do you honestly take out the garbage without some form of personal protection? If you’re anything like me you want a tank and air support. At the very least you should take a machete or a seven hundred year old samurai sword. Let’s not be too cautious here. If you really want to ensure your personal safety you need something that says ‘full automatic’ along the side of it. Garbage is dangerous. Those TV dinners can have some sharp edges and who knows what will be waiting for you…

And finally let’s not forget about collecting the mail. If you’re not prepared to shoot those anthrax spores dead then what kind of a man are you? A concealed weapon will save you from anthrax. There are studies to prove it. And a big hello out there to all them spy agencies that just red flagged me.

But the final reason you need the FMG-9 is for the coming revolution. Are you ready to defend what’s yours? Are you ready (sorry, can’t help it) to get on target?

~ by hitmahip on 17 May, 2008.