Let’s get this party right.

The party is SwinGinG. You’ve cut the dance floor to fucking pieces and now you’re behind the bar, mixing killer cocktails. Everyone loves you. They fucking love you. This. Is. Your. Party.

Hey. Who’s that over there? Do you recognise him? I don’t. That can only mean one thing (ominous pause or thunder or whatever). He’s not on the guest list. What do you do?

The only thing you can.

You beat the living shit out of him. Then you hold a wet t-shirt contest. And everyone loves you.

This is ‘This is Vegas‘, an upcoming game from Midway where (and I quote) “a ruthless businessman begins turning Vegas into a family-friendly tourist trap” and “you must start your own powerful empire and resurrect the famous adult playground”. By dancing. By cocktailing. By wet t-shirt contests. By beating the crap out of losers who weren’t invited.

I can see what they’re trying to do. They’re taking this.

And trying to merge it with this.

Which is all well and good. Except when you combine a tough as nails crim with a horny, lovable (paraphrasing wiki) loser you get this.

That image is courtesy of frattinghard. Anyway. What you get is that fratboy kegdog that made your life miserable in school, did it again in college and more than likely will do so in your retirement home as well.

Now I could be wrong. It could have great gameplay. It could be clever and witty. Game mechanics out the whazoo. It could have photo realistic pixel tits that nipple up when splashed with water. It doesn’t matter because you’re still that guy who beats up other guys because they weren’t invited to the party.

There are games in which you can be a bastard. Any roleplay game has that option. As does GTA. Leisure Suit Larry was a dork.

In this you’re just a dick. I suppose someone, somewhere, wants to be that. Thing is they already are. Just look at the picture.

I vote this for the title song.

~ by hitmahip on 24 April, 2008.